Less Stress, More Ease: The Path of the Reluctant Meditator

I remember when people would suggest to me that I start meditating, I would feel a surge of resentment and overwhelm.  I wanted to have more flow and ease in my life, but taking 20 minutes out of my day seemed like one more task to add to my already packed life. Like eating more vegetables and getting more sleep, it was something I knew I needed, but I didn’t see how I was going to fit it in.  I also knew that the way I was living was not working.

I started researching what successful people did to stay present in their lives, and learned that pretty much every successful person somehow makes time to meditate. I may have rolled my eyes when a well-meaning person pointed out the these immensely busy people still find time to meditate and that they have the same 24 hours in a day that I do.

With this attitude, it’s no surprise that my first foray into meditating was not successful. I approached meditating as something I had to do, not something I got to do. I would sit and squirm and try to control my out-of-control mind for 5-20 minutes, and leap up with relief when the timer went off.

Luckily, I started learning about mindfulness, and small things that I could do throughout the day to calm my mind down and increase that sense of peace and ease. I see now that the Universe was answering my desire to go to that place in a way that worked for me.  I started with taking a few moments out of my day just to focus on something. If I was cooking, I would focus all my mental energy on chopping vegetables. If I was washing my hands, I would focus on the sensation of the soap between my palms. Walking to my car, I would focus on the sounds of the birds.  This mindfulness technique helps our brains slow down and helps us connect with the present moment. Taking a few deep breaths can do the same.

I found that just finding small moments to do this in the day brought me a deeper sense of peace and ease, I could come up from under the stress for a moment, and remember that everything I was doing was by choice. I could choose to do otherwise, if I pleased. I began to sense the life that I wanted, the one where I felt like everything was going my way, and that life was a joyful adventure.

The next step on my journey lead me to become a member of Bestlife Creation Society. I learned a lot about how to move towards the things we want from a place of feeling good, instead of the  push and grind-it-out energy I was utilizing in a lot of areas in my life. I also started listening to great teachers like Abraham Hicks and Eckhart Tolle. I started to understand that it was more important to find a small step that felt satisfying, and trust that there would be guidance for the next step, then to force my way into a new habit or way of being.  

So that has been the journey. I went from taking small steps, finding moments in the day to breathe deep, to pay attention to silence, or to focus on a simple sensation like washing my hands, and let myself be guided from there. These moments became so satisfying that I wanted more. I started meditating at night before bed, and found the connection to myself and Source delicious.  As my practice and connection grew, I found that I wanted to meditate more. It went from being a task to a desire, and discipline to a refuge. I also learned a lot about paying attention to how I was feeling. If I stepped out of ease and into a pushing, striving energy, I could simply step back into wherever I felt satisfaction previously and just marinate there until I was ready to move forward in a more flowing place.

One of the big surprises for me is that I started wanted to get up early in the morning so I could start the day this way. Generally speaking, I have never been good at getting up early. But I found myself daydreaming about how wonderful it would feel to have this sacred time to myself before everyone was up, and the way the ease of meditating would flow into morning of packing lunches and getting kids off to school. At some point, it was easy to just decide to do this. Instead of beating myself up to do an hour of meditation, reading and journaling, this process of listening to myself and what feels good has lead to a practice that is joyful and driven from within. I don’t have to be strict because this is something I really want to do.  I can miss a day here or there without it being a big deal and start up again with ease.

The long story short is that if you know somewhere inside that you want to feel less stress and more ease in your life and you feel that meditation is one of the ways to do it, I encourage you to find a way to do it that will feel good to you, and so be sustainable.  Trust your feelings, and take small, satisfying steps toward what you want. Ask the Universe for help and let yourself be guided. Don’t worry if your path looks different than you expected or from what anyone else is doing. The journey is one into your unique, beautiful, vibrant self. Let you be you, and embrace the joy, connection and fulfillment that is waiting for you.